Can you believe there are only 12 weeks left until 2017!!
How do you want to end your year?
What do you want to achieve in the last 3 months of 2016?
These questions make me very anxious.
Every year, I have all these high hopes and goals for a better year. I will be better next year. 2017 will be a better year! Next year is my year!
I set unrealistic goals and set myself up for disappointment time and time again. I still haven’t lost the 10 kilos that I have planned to lose every year for the last 15 years!!
Yet, when I look back on those same 15 years, I am grateful for an incredible life. I have survived some unbelievable challenges, enjoyed countless magical moments, been blessed with an amazing family and grown into a more authentic me.
Why, then, am I so ungrateful and discontent so often?
My first thoughts, when I realised that there are only 12 weeks left of the year, were that I better do something BIG in the next 3 months so that this year has not been a waste. I have to change something, do something, achieve something… be significant. All before 2017!!
How completely ridiculous is that? When I stop and become aware of my thoughts, I know how ludicrous they actually are. But without awareness, they cause tension in my body and my little worry bear (that subconscious voice) starts reminding me that I am not good enough, that I haven’t done enough, that I should be more.
Fortunately, I have become aware of this little worry bear. I feel the tension rise in my body when she starts to cry and any joy I was feeling disappears in a flash. For years, I let the worry bear rule my life. I made decisions out of fear: What if they don’t like me? What if I fail? What if they don’t love me? I thought the worry bear was useful. She kept me safe. She made sure I was always enough, driven, successful and most importantly… loved. She served a purpose.
I was determined and driven and pushed myself consistently. I achieved some level of success but it was never enough. How much is enough anyway? It’s all a matter of perspective right? I started to feel burnt out, depressed, frustrated and I questioned what it was all for? In the end, we all die anyway.
I kept asking myself what it is all for? What is the point of life? What do I want from this one life of mine? At the end of my life, what do I want to feel, who do I want to be, what do I want to have done, what do I want to have contributed, more than anything else? They are tough questions because every choice has a consequence.
At this point in time (and I say “at this point” as I know how quickly I can change my mind), what I know for sure is that I want to live with meaning and with purpose. My purpose is to live with love and joy and to teach others to do the same. I can’t live with joy if I let the worry bear run me. I can’t live with love if I don’t love myself; if I believe I am not enough.
So I remind myself that I am not perfect and that’s okay. Living with joy is way more important than perfection anyway (as if perfection even exists). And as I remind myself of that fact, I feel the tension in my body melt away and a sense of joy and deep peace returns.
I don’t need to achieve something BIG before the end of 2016. I don’t need to change anything or be or do or have anything to feel joyful.
And let me just clarify something here: For me, joy does not mean happiness or an emotional high. I know that it’s impossible to be happy all the time. Life is not one-sided and we will always have challenges.
It is possible, however, to transcend those challenges, to see them from a different perspective and to live in the knowing that life is always working for us. From that space of knowing, we allow joy back in, we can be still and present and accept what is, just as it is. And maybe we can even be grateful for what is, just as it is. That is true joy. That is a beautiful state.
So if I can end this year in a beautiful state, feeling grateful for another year filled with meaning, with love, with growth, with wisdom, with contribution and with laughter…. I will be one joyful and maybe even happy lady.\
And I won’t need to wish that 2017 is a better year!!
I don’t need to do anything… I can just be me. That is enough. And that fills me with joy.
Success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure. Don’t strive to be successful. Strive to be fulfilled.
What brings you fulfillment?